


Your Hurricane (A Granblue Fantasy Story)

by EndlessCharade



Category: Granblue Fantasy (Video Game)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-05 05:01:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16361297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EndlessCharade/pseuds/EndlessCharade
Summary: Sometimes, something has to break in order to heal properly. Sometimes, it becomes impossible to ignore unhealthy behavior in another when that behavior crosses the last line it is possible to cross. Sometimes, the only way to move forward is to realize that the past isn't all that we thought it was.When Vira tries one last, desperate plan to make Katalina realize the depths of her love, the tension between the two finally reaches its breaking point. Can the two of them pick up the pieces of their friendship and the love they shared as academy students? Or have things finally escalated past the point of recovery?When the hurricane of emotions and past mistakes passes, will rebuilding even be possible?





	Your Hurricane (A Granblue Fantasy Story)

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my take on the 'lesbian stalker romance' genre, as it were. Basically, I always thought that the fact that Vira and Katalina never have any real resolution is deeply unsatisfying, so I wrote one possible version of it myself.
> 
> If you want some thematic music for this one, inspirations for this scene came from the song "Your Hurricane" by Death Cab for Cutie, as well as the song "The Hurricane" by Delain. 
> 
> Enjoy!

_~~Prologue: Calm Before~~_

_~~V~~_

Sometimes, a storm can come out of nowhere. The day can be perfectly calm, and sunny, and radiantly beautiful, and then all of a sudden within the space of an hour or two the clouds can materialize. However, there are always little signs that a change in the weather is imminent. People have become very good at detecting the slight variations in air pressure or temperature or wind direction, even if they didn’t know that’s what they were doing. It was the sort of thing that manifested as slight feelings of dread or foreboding that most people chalked up to ‘gut feelings’.

Vira was used to those feelings. ‘Rain ruining a perfectly lovely day’ was sort of central to the entire Vira _experience_.

She didn’t know what was going to happen on this particular day. All she knew was that ever since she woke up, there had been this little annoyingly high-pitched noise originating from somewhere in the vicinity of the back of her skull. She’d tried massaging her temples a little bit but that didn’t do a thing to make it go away. There was a very large part of her that just wanted to stay in the bed in her cabin on the Grandcypher all day, but she knew from experience that she could lose entire days that way.

She didn’t have days to lose. She wanted Katalina to see all the progress she had been making. In order for that to happen, she had to _make_ progress. And that involved not wasting away in her cabin.

Sun peeked through the small, curtained porthole. She had heard, somewhere, that sun was good for a person’s mood. She had never found that to be true on a personal level, but a walk on the deck would at least make her _visible_. Maybe someone would see her and tell Katalina that she had gotten out and about when the group that had gone down to the small city returned from their patrol contract.

_Katalina._

She pulled on a pair of loose-fitting pants, a tunic, and a pair of sandals and ventured forth from her darkened cabin and up toward the deck. There were conversations going on around her but she just ignored them. They were mostly drowned out by that annoying high-pitched buzzing noise anyway. That was something she needed to figure out or else she’d just end up going mad. More mad. Madder. Conjugation was interesting in that some words could go either way, and she had to say it over and over in her head to determine that it probably didn’t matter. Regardless of how little she was paying attention, there was one word that could grab her attention in an instant and yank it up out of her own rumination faster than a solid fishing pole could fling a bonito from the depths of the ocean.

“...Katalina…”

Vira perked up. Someone was talking about Katalina. That beautiful name was crossing the lips of one who was not worthy to speak it. She could forgive that, sometimes, depending on the conversation. So, naturally, it was up to her to verify that these heathens were speaking her Katalina’s name with the proper context and reverence.  
  
“...Haven’t seen her so happy…”  
  
Well, that was a start.  
  
“...Didn’t know she could grin like that…”  
  
Oh, _that_ was even better. Her Katalina, happy? Vira needed to know what had made her that way so that the experience could be replicated, at length, with some embellishment. Her imagination was starting to run a little wild, and so she didn’t notice that the little buzzing sound had started to get louder. Lost in her thoughts, her ears still scanning for more news of her Katalina, she started to ascend the stairs to the deck.  
  
“...like a whole new person when she came out of Farrah’s cabin...”  
  
Just like that, the buzzing sound culminated in something _snapping_ in that area of her brain that connected her conscious thoughts to her spinal column like a guitar string wound so tightly that it broke from the stress. Vira froze where she was, halfway up the stairs, one foot lifted to ascend to the next step.  
  
_Katalina._

Her heart beat so hard and fast that she could feel the blood rushing through her skull, the accompanying roaring sound louder in her ears than the biggest waterfall on Auguste Isle. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t take those last steps. She couldn’t face everyone who was probably laughing at her behind her back.  
  
_Katalina. Katalina._ _  
_ _  
_ All these people who saw all the effort she put into her affections only to have them spurned so completely. They probably all thought she was such a little girl, a lovestruck puppy that could barely contain herself. And even that wouldn’t matter to her because it was _true_ , all _true_ . And as long as her Katalina was there it was all worth it, but now…  
  
_Katalina. Katalina. Katalina._

No. No, Vira thought. This could not continue. This _could not_ continue. No. She would not _let_ it continue. She knew where her Katalina was. She _always_ knew where her Katalina was. Could anyone else say that? Could anyone else care about _HER KATALINA_ so deeply that they would put aside every single thing and watch over her night and day and cook for her and clean for her and…  
  
_Katalina. Katalina. Katalina. Katalina. Katalina. Katalina. KatalinaKatalinaKatalinaKatalinaKatalinaKatalina._

She knew what she had to do. She had to hear it from Katalina’s own mouth.  
  
Turning on her heel, she marched back down to her cabin and dressed in something more… appropriate for public. She may be spurned, kicked to the curb like so much garbage, but she still had her dignity. Now she knew why people had been avoiding her these past few days. Now she knew why Katalina had been more reserved than usual. Now she _knew_ why Katalina had _jumped_ at the chance to go on a _patrol mission_ . Now she _knew_.

One foot in front of the other, she made her way toward the city.

_~~K~~_  

A storm was in the air. Katalina had been flying with the Grandcypher for long enough that she was getting fairly decent at reading the winds, even though she would never be good enough at it to be any sort of pilot in her own right. The day was sunny, though, and she was determined to enjoy it as it was and weather what came later with her characteristic steadfastness.  
  
The patrol mission was over, and as part of the payment the ground team had been granted an extra night in the city free of charge. Katalina was also getting her armor serviced, as it had taken quite a few dents and dings over the past couple of months. It had nothing to do with any lack of skill on her own part, Katalina knew. It was just the sort of thing that happened when one constantly threw herself into the front line of combat. It was possible she had been more enthusiastic about that sort of thing recently, or at least enough for it to be noticeable by others. Djeeta had brought up concerns to her, privately, anyway. And Farrah…

...Well. Farrah had _also_ expressed her concerns over Katalina’s relative safety and recent recklessness.

This caused a small involuntary smirk to cross Katalina’s lips. Indulgences like that weren’t something she let herself experience very often. When she did, however, it definitely helped relieve some of the restlessness that always built up in her after she spent too much time in one place. It wasn’t like she was a free spirit, by any means. Not even close. But she always had to be sure that when she dedicated herself to something, it was something _worth_ that dedication. As it turned out, Farrah had been _very_ articulate in explaining why the Grandcypher needed Katalina and why she shouldn’t be taking unnecessary risks without letting her friends share in the burden of danger.  
  
Farrah may not have used quite so many _words_ . She didn’t have to. The meal that Farrah had prepared and lavishly set out in front of her the previous week had said it all. The pair had shared a quiet evening together and for the first time in quite awhile, Katalina had felt like she was _home_. And that was more valuable to her than any mere words could have been.

She felt a tug on the sleeve of her tunic, and she looked down to see a youth, one of the many messengers that the people in the city used to send quick missives back and forth to each other looking up at her expectantly. Her face formed into what she _hoped_ was a warm and inviting expression, though she had never been _incredibly_ good at that part. She might be a devoted protector, but she was never adept at the soft skills. In addition to that, being without her armor in public felt quite odd.  
  
“Can I help you?” she asked the youth, a girl with her hair stuffed beneath a cap and a satchel slung over her shoulder.  
  
“Miss Katalina?” she said, though it was apparent the name confirmation was a habit and not originating from any doubt regarding Katalina’s identity. Katalina had come to accept that the Grandcypher was becoming at least moderately well-known and that she was, herself, one of the most visible and prominent members of the crew. It was still unsettling for everyone to know her name, though.

The girl continued, “A message from your comrades, Miss Katalina! The one with blonde hair told me to inform you that the inn your crew had reserved has been booked up. Your lodgings have been changed to this address.” She produced a small card for Katalina which contained the address of lodgings that were… a significant upgrade from where they had been staying.

_Oh, this city must be truly grateful for our help,_ Katalina thought. This was another thing she had found that she had to get used to. However, she couldn’t very well turn down the offer, so she took the card with a smile. “Thank you! Here you go.” she said, pressing a few rupies into the youth’s hand as a tip.

The lodgings were not very far from the market that Katalina was currently browsing through. Each of the members of the Grandcypher’s ground squad had sort of gone their separate ways for the afternoon, and as many of them were quite recognizable at this point, it made sense for them to contribute a little to the local economy by utilizing the courier service. Katalina knew that the others were likely enjoying taking in the sights of the city, but for her own part, she could only handle so much market browsing. Perhaps it was her discomfort at the lack of armor that was affecting her mood, but whatever it was, she decided that what she needed most at the moment was a couple hours of quiet.

When she arrived at the lodgings, she was handed a key and informed that her belongings had been delivered to her room already. She thanked the host with another hopefully-kind smile and a few extra rupees and made her way up the stairs to the second floor hallway. Her assigned room was near the middle, and when she inserted the key in the door and twisted, the heavy tumblers turned over with an audible metallic sound. Security was something she always looked for in lodgings, and it made her satisfied to know it was being handled properly.

When she opened the door, she froze.  
  
Laying on the bed, dressed in a long nightshift made of a material that hinted at the curves beneath it without fully revealing them, and with blonde hair cascading around her in unkempt curls, was Vira.  
  
“Welcome home, darling.”

_~~First Act: Storm Surge~~_ _  
_ _~~K~~_

_Oh. We’re doing this now. Now is the time that we’re going to do this._

This was the thought that ran through Katalina’s mind as she stepped into the room, shut the door behind her, and said, “Vira, what are you doing here?”

With a slow, sinuous movement, Vira used her elbows to push herself to a sitting position, her back arching in a manner that pushed her shapely chest conspicuously forward. Once more or less upright, Vira smiled a lazy smile and said, “I wanted to make your last night here in this city _special_. I wanted us to have a place of our own, all to ourselves.” One hand gestured around her to the absolutely ludicrously luxurious room, drawing Katalina’s attention to the gigantic bed, the soft sofas, the elaborately carved woodwork, and a washroom that could easily fit several fully-grown draph with room to spare.

Katalina took a deep breath and miraculously resisted pinching the bridge of her nose as she felt a headache coming on. “Yes, Vira, it is a very nice room.” she said, in a voice that, in contrast to her attempts at warmth earlier, she hoped was more on the _placating_ side of things.

“Inn.” Vira said.

Katalina’s head just started throbbing even more intensely. “...Please don’t tell me that you reserved every room in this establishment. Vira, you didn’t do that, did you? Please tell me that is not a thing you did.”

Vira’s grin widened. So did her eyes. It was not a warm expression, or a particularly inviting one. “Don’t you like it, Katalina? Isn’t it everything you would have wanted for your last night before a voyage? A nice room? A nice bath? A nice...warm….bed?” she patted the soft down duvet that she was currently lounging atop while wearing what could only _generously_ be called nightclothes.

“Vira.” Katalina said. “Please. You have to stop this. For Astrals’ sake, Vira, have a little _dignity_ .”  
  
The smile fell from Vira’s face in an instant. Her eyes were still wide, but her brows had narrowed slightly in a way that Katalina knew from experience meant trouble. The tone in her voice just reinforced Katalina’s assessment of the present based on her knowledge of the past. “Dignity, Katalina? _Dignity_?” The smile was back, but it was only there for long enough to be accompanied by a high pitched giggle. Vira leaned forward and her eyes looked as if they were trying to bore into Katalina’s very soul.

This was dangerous territory. Katalina didn’t care. This had gone on for far too long, and had affected far too many people for her to just let it go forever. As much as she desperately wished she could just open the door and walk away, she knew that if she did that, these things would just keep happening. She had spent literal years walking away from Vira, and where had that gotten her?

It had, of course gotten her in an admittedly very nice inn room with a half-crazed, lingerie-clad Vira in the bed that she wanted nothing more than to fall asleep and lose several consecutive days in.

Vira wasn’t done. She leaned forward and got to her feet, sauntering over to Katalina. She wasn’t very steady on her feet, which, Katalina noted, was a more or less physical representation of Vira’s all-encompassing lack of balance. “You, Katalina, want _me_ , to have _dignity_ ? You, who saw fit to spend your time in a tiny airship cabin giving _Farrah_ a tumble? A cabin, Katalina, when I have given you _this_ !” Her hands flailed outward, extended and gesturing to the veritable shrine to affluence that their surroundings represented.  
  
“A… a _tumble_ ?” Katalina’s mouth hung open for a moment as she tried to process the absolute insanity that constituted Vira’s point of view on the situation. “We had _dinner_ , Vira. _Dinner_ , with a _friend_ . Can you even comprehend a world in which _dinner_ means _dinner_ ?”  
  
This actually had an even stronger effect on Vira than she had imagined that pretending she had an illicit tryst with her former subordinate would have had. Once again, Katalina was forced to try and process the world in the way that someone whose brain had been aetherically replaced with a jar of bees must process it. Vira’s voice jumped an additional few registers. “She _cooked_ for you, Katalina?!?”

“Vira…” she sighed, and actually did pinch the bridge of her nose. “I give up. I can’t do this. I just…” she started to turn toward the door. “We’re not having this conversation right now.”  
  
“Then when, Katalina? _When_ ? When will we have this conversation? _Any_ conversation?” she said, taking another step toward Katalina, her bare feet silent on the soft carpet. “Tell me, Katalina, when will you grace me with your presence, your kind smile, your caring ears?”  
  
“Vira, just...put on some clothes. We’ll go back to the ship. I don’t know what you thought was going to happen here, but tricking me into coming here wasn’t the way to go about it.” she said. “And I don’t have to put up with it.”

Vira’s face hardened and her spine went rigid. There was no smile there anymore, not even the unsettling caricature of crazed joy that had become more and more prominent over the past few months. “So what is it, Katalina? Are you going to _run away_ again?”

This stopped Katalina in her tracks. She suddenly felt a surge of something that she had not felt to such an extreme degree in a very long time. That something, she realized, was anger. “ _What_ did you say to me, Vira?”  
  
“I said, Katalina, Are you. Going to. _Run away_ . Again?” Vira’s voice went from the high, crazed register to something lower. Directed. Targeted. “The way you always do when something gets _hard to deal with_.”

Katalina was tired, so very tired, of just letting all of Vira’s comments, her antics, and her personal failings just roll off of her like water off a duck. And this time, Vira had crossed the last line it was possible for her to cross. “I do _not_ run away.” she said, her voice as hard as the armor that she wore as an external representation of the steel she always thought was inside of herself.

Vira laughed, completely dismissing her with a wave of her hand. “Oh, that’s right.” she said. “You _don’t_ run away. You find a _cause_ to devote yourself to. So that when you _leave_ , you can do it without _guilt_.”

Now it was Katalina’s turn to turn and advance on Vira. She was through. _Through_ . Taking this. “Vira, that is _not_ fair. I protect people. That’s what I _do_.”

Vira didn’t back away. In fact, she looked right into Katalina’s eyes and said, “No, Katalina. You protect everyone but _me_.”

The sheer force of emotion behind that statement caused Katalina to take a step backward. “Vira, what are you _talking_ about?” They were both soldiers, both trained to be experts in combat, battlefield tactics, and military administration. The very idea that _either_ of them needed to be protected was laughable at best, in Katalina’s mind. And yet…  
  
“Katalina, you rescued Lyria. You’re defending Djeeta and the Grandcypher. You’re letting Farrah _cook_ for you. Why…” she said, her hand involuntarily curling into a fist and striking the nearest ornately-carved table. “Why, Katalina, are they each good enough to see _one_ of those sides of you, and I’m the one that wanted, _needed_ , all three, and got _nothing_?”

Oh. Oh, that was _it_ . Katalina stared down the emotionally unstable blonde and rested her hands on her hips. “Oh, Vira. You need to ask yourself if you _really_ want me to go through the entire list of ‘ _why’_ s, right here and right now.” she said.

Vira folded her arms beneath that chest of hers that Katalina had _always_ thought was unfairly shapely, and said, “I _have_ thought about it, Katalina _darling_ , and I’ve decided that at this point, you can’t hurt me more than you already _have_.”

Katalina was livid enough that Vira’s words didn’t even truly register to her. She was in the _right_ here, and stars and skies, she was going to tell Vira _exactly_ why she could no longer accept Vira’s behavior. “Have you ever _once_ , Vira, stopped to think about the things that you do and say? Do you even _realize_ how many people need to be defended, not _by_ you, but _from_ you? How many people avoid you because you have _no_ idea how to interact with _anyone_ on anything even _resembling_ a basic human level? Do you, Vira?” Now, finally, her own voice was starting to rise as her anger finally, _finally_ asserted itself. “Do you know how many people, when given the choice between you and a horde of knife-wielding pygmies, would take their chances with the things with _more_ knives?”  
  
By way of punctuation, she added, “In case that wasn’t _clear_ , Vira, what I am _saying_ here is that in a room full of _actual monsters_ , it’s _you_ that people are afraid of, because you don’t operate in the world of _actual reality_.”

Vira stepped back, her eyes widening as if she had just been slapped. This image was reinforced in the way she brought her hand up to her cheek. Her mouth hung open as she tried to form words while that jar or bees in her brain apparently attempted to process everything Katalina had just told her. Finally, she spoke in a voice only barely louder than a breathless whisper. “I… I don’t _care_ about anyone else, Katalina. I don’t _care_ what anyone thinks or feels. I don’t _care_ if they’re scared of me. I _want_ them to be scared of me, Katalina. Because If they _are_ , it means they won’t stand in _our_ way. Because for me, Katalina, it’s been all about _you_ the whole time. Only _you_ , Katalina! _You!_ ”  
  
Katalina shook her head. That, right there, was why Katalina could never see the world the way Vira did. And in that moment, the one driving thought in her mind was that the fundamental divide in their understanding was something that couldn’t possibly be reconciled. “Well, Vira,” she said, her voice dangerously low. And this time, Vira picked up on it, because she took another step backward, almost falling back on the bed. “If _that_ is what you think _caring_ about someone looks like, then that kind of caring is something I want _no_ part of.”

Vira reached out desperately, with words if not actions, an obvious attempt to keep Katalina engaged for just a few more moments no matter how much the conversation had degenerated. “Katalina, my Katalina, I… I can’t _stop_ caring! I _have_ to care! Katalina, you are my _existence_ , and a moment spent not thinking of you is a moment that my heart feels like it will never beat again! Don’t you see? When it comes to you, those feelings aren’t something I could ever _choose_ to stop experiencing!” She shakily reached both hands out to grasp for Katalina’s wrist.  
  
Katalina pulled her wrist away and stepped back a couple steps in the direction of the door. The words sprang to her mouth without even giving her brain the chance to decide whether they were the right thing to say or not. “Well then, if that’s how it is for you, then _I release you_ , Vira. You can stop caring about me now. I am no longer your _burden_.”

_~~V~~_

_I release you._ _  
_ _  
_ _Katalina._ _  
_ _  
_ _I release you._ _  
_ _  
_ _Katalina. Katalina._ _  
_ _  
_ _I am no longer your burden._ _  
_ _  
_ _Katalina Katalina Katalina_ _  
_  
_I RELEASE YOU_

_I’m dying._ _  
_ _  
_ _This is what it feels like to die._ _  
_ _  
_ _I can’t move._ _  
_ _  
_ _I can’t breathe._ _  
_ _  
_ _I can’t think._ _  
_ _  
_ _Katalina._ _  
_ _  
_ _My reason._ _  
_ _  
_ _My will._ _  
_ _  
_ _My desire._ _  
_ _  
_ _My love._ _  
_ _  
_ _My everything._ _  
_ _  
_ _No._ _  
_  
_No._

_Katalina._ _  
_ _  
_ _This is not the end of me._ _  
_ _  
_ _Katalina._ _  
_ _  
_ _This is NOT the end of me._ _  
_ _  
_ _Katalina._ _  
_ _  
_ _I do NOT want this._ _  
_ _  
_ _I need you._ _  
_ _  
_ _I need to be needed by you._ _  
_ _  
_ _I need it to be real._ _  
_ _  
_ Vira was silent for several moments, her eyes unfocused, as Katalina’s words hit home and resonated through her skull. Those words bounced around like a pin drop in an echo chamber, waves upon waves upon waves reinforcing and reverberating and becoming deafening.  
  
_Katalina._ _  
_ _  
_ What had she done? How had she managed to alienate her only friend, her only _love_ , so fully? So completely? All she had ever wanted was for Katalina, perfect Katalina, to have a perfect life with everything that she desired. And she, herself, wanted to _be_ one of those things. Had tried to make Katalina see how deep her love ran and, in that understanding, coax the same feelings and cares and desires into that strong, iron heart.  
  
“Go away, Katalina.” Vira said, her voice shaking with the force of emotional effort it took to even say those words.  
  
“Vira-”  
  
“I said _GO AWAY_ , Katalina. Get out of my sight. Don’t talk to me. Don’t look at me. You wanted me to have _dignity_ ? Then give me the _dignity_ to break without you watching.”  
  
“Vira, please.”  
  
Vira’s hand shot out and grabbed the nearest thing it could reach, which turned out to be a metal vase containing a cinnamon-scented potpourri. Her fingers grasped it tightly enough for her knuckles to turn white, and then she flung it with all her might, aiming about a foot to the side of Katalina’s head. “ GO. AWAY. KATALINA .” she screamed.  
  
Katalina watched her, stunned into silence.  
  
Vira turned away, collapsing onto the bed and burying her face in a pillow. She wasn’t sobbing, No, what she could feel herself doing was far, far worse. The anguished moan began in her throat, and as much as she tried to hold it back, there was no stopping it once it started. This was the despair of the abyss, and it had claimed her, fully.  
  
She didn't hear the door open and close when Katalina left the room.

_~~Second Act: The Eye of the Storm~~_ _  
_ _~~K~~_

_Why am I not leaving?_

Katalina kept asking this question, over and over in her head, as she slowly paced up and down the hallway of the inn. Even the hallway featured elaborately-carved baseboards and ornate lanterns at even intervals between the doorways. The door at the end of the hall was, itself, a masterwork depicting interwoven vines and leaves surrounding a stylized representation of Yggdrasil which would have been even more impressive had Katalina not actually seen the real thing in person. It was a door that, for the life of her, Katalina didn’t know why she wasn’t just _walking out of_.

She paused, the words she had spoken to her...friend? Former friend? Running through her head again.

_I release you._

Did that cross a line? No, the simple truth was that Vira was the one who had crossed every line and pushed every boundary that Katalina had tried to set.

_I am no longer your burden._

How long had she known, or at least suspected, that what Vira was feeling was unhealthy? It was obvious, of course, when they had reunited after years of separation, but had it been there before? Had Katalina, on some level, always known that the misplaced and obsessive affection was some kind of inner burden that Vira, for reasons only known to Vira, was forcing herself to bear?

She sighed, leaning against a wall near the door that would take her to the stairs, then to the lobby, then out to the city and toward the _real_ lodgings that Djeeta and the others would still be occupying. It was getting to be the time where the members of the patrol team would start to trickle in, one by one, after getting their fill of the city and all it had to offer. And even now, Katalina didn’t go through that door.  
  
Why?

Because there was more.

_You can’t hurt me more than you already have._

Finally, the words sank in through the mental armor of Katalina’s anger and indignation. Once again, she began to immediately dismiss those words. Vira? _Hurt_ ? And by _her_ ? It was laughable. She _did_ almost laugh out loud at that because when the two of them were in school together, Vira was the absolute pillar of strength. She had been Katalina’s only equal in their class and the nature of their constant competition had meant that Katalina had no choice but to notice and accept how unbreakable Vira was.

_But that was then._

Katalina caught herself worrying at her lower lip with her teeth as she found herself thinking about the school days that she and Vira had shared at the academy. Had it even been true then? If she really thought about it, most of the way she saw Vira was based on those initial few months when they were negotiating their mutual respect for each other as equals. When that respect turned to friendship and then progressed to… more, Katalina had been surprised each time Vira had demonstrated the slightest weakness when she should have been as tough as a box of nails and as competent as the artisan who worked with them.

_Only you, Katalina!_

Those were the words that had first made Katalina restless when Vira had spoken them to her. The night the two of them spent sharing a bed had been the culmination of a very stressful month of courses and competitions, and oh, Katalina had _needed_ that relief of tension. But when Vira had confessed to her the depth of her affection…

_Oh._

Had Katalina started to feel trapped, then? Had she even then known that she was going to…

_Run away._

_The way you always do when something gets hard to deal with._

...lose the duel and then leave, joining the Erste Empire while Vira had been locked in the gilded cage that only a position of power and authority could provide a person.

Ever since then, Katalina could never stay in one place for too long. Yes, Lyria had needed help. Yes, defecting from the Empire in order to aid in her escape was objectively the right thing to do. That didn’t change the fact that it had hurt the people who had depended on her leadership within that organization. And, finally, yes, joining Djeeta and traveling with the Grandcypher had been both an opportunity for a new start and the best chance of keeping Lyria safe, but that didn’t change the fact that being mobile meant that Katalina never had to stay in the same place for more than a few days ever again, for as long as she desired that level of mobility.

_You find a cause._ _  
_ _  
_ _When you leave, you can do it without guilt._  
  
_Damn you, Vira. Damn you for…_

For what? Telling the truth? Opening up to Katalina enough during their school years and showing Katalina the depths of her inner heart just as fully as they had both opened up to the pleasures of the flesh? It was deeper than even that, Katalina suspected. If she really thought about it, what she was really angry about was the thought that someone so strong and so competent could have such weakness within her as well.

If their positions were reversed, would it have been Katalina herself pining after Vira while being trapped by responsibility, circumstance, and a binding to duty that affected the mind and the soul in a deeper way than Katalina could ever bring herself to imagine?

The reason, then, that Katalina was not walking out that door was that Vira was right about her. When things got hard, she looked for someone who needed protecting and then went to protect them. She had just never, ever considered for one moment that Vira was someone who ever needed to be protected. She had never considered that her act of leaving would have been the thing to cut Vira so deeply to her core and turn her into someone nearly unrecognizable to her.

_I have to go back. I can’t leave this be._

She pushed off of the wall and walked toward the door of the room Vira was still occupying. If Vira threw something else at her, she would probably deserve it. She had known Vira wasn’t really _trying_ to hit her with that vase, because if she had been trying, she wouldn’t have missed. It was behavior that wasn’t healthy to accept under normal circumstances, Katalina knew. She wasn’t going to _overlook_ it so much as consider it a symptom of the larger issue that needed to be addressed head-on if she and Vira were ever going to move on from what had happened years ago.

Katalina took a deep breath and then opened the door.

_~~V~~_

The thing about breaking something is that sometimes, the thing needs to be broken in order to heal properly. It doesn’t make the breaking any less painful, but once the initial sharp spike of it is over and reduced to a throbbing, if ever-present, ache, a person can take stock of what needs to be done to stabilize.

Once the screams and cries were over, once Vira had all but torn the pillow she had been clinging to into shreds of cloth and clumps of soft down, and once it was obvious that she was still very, very alone in that room, the stabilizing could begin. Vira’s mind fought to push thoughts through a consciousness that felt like it had been reduced to an abyssal sludge that devoured everything it touched.

And then.

The words that hurt the most still burned against the forefront of her conscious thoughts, as if carved there by a heated knife.

_I am no longer your burden._

Burden. The burden of carrying her love for Katalina ever since the two had been each other’s only support during school. The burden of having to feel a part of herself being ripped out the day Katalina left. The feeling of being so completely fulfilled by their nights together only to have that fulfillment driven out of her, beaten out of her body like metal under a smith’s hammer with every heartbeat.  
  
_I release you._

Was that honestly a choice Katalina could make for her? It wasn’t fair. That wasn’t how things worked. Vira gave her love willingly and fully to Katalina, and Katalina was not the one who had a say in how that gift was given.

Vira examined that thought for a moment. Given? No. Hadn’t it gone far beyond that by this point? If Katalina held any part of Vira, it was the part that Vira forced on her. And if Vira carried a burden, it was the burden of knowing that things could never be the way Vira wanted them to be.

It didn’t matter anymore. Nothing mattered anymore.

But then.

The first thing that Vira noticed was that her heart was still beating. Katalina’s departure and her stinging rebuke of everything Vira had held dear to her these long years had not, after all, caused Vira’s heart to stop its methodical pulsing. Vira found that she had actually been scared that it _would_ have, as illogical as that thought was. She knew that people didn’t die of broken hearts. Not _metaphorical_ broken hearts, anyway. _Literal_ ones, sure, but not the figurative kind. That realization pushed some of the abyssal gelatin from her thought processes and she was finally able to think past the burning, carving, painful words to the other things that were said.

_It’s you that people are afraid of._

She said she didn’t care. And she didn’t. Fear was something she had learned how to cultivate as a leader. But that wasn’t the kind of fear that Katalina was talking about. A leader had to be solid. Steadfast. Predictable. Vira was none of those things, and how much respect had she lost due to that? She didn’t know. She didn’t think she wanted to know.  
  
_You don’t operate in the world of actual reality._

How many times had she only seen what she wanted to see? How many times had her perceptions lied to her about what was really going on around her? How many times had she let her thought processes be hijacked by the one word that could bring her to a halt or possess her to do what she was slowly coming to realize were unspeakable things?  
  
_Katalina._

When had she broken? She used to be strong, she knew. Somewhere along the line, though, things had started to go wrong. She had become too attached, too quickly, in those days at the academy. She had thought that nothing could ever excite her or challenge her or cause her to even _want_ to work for the success that had come so easily for her. That had changed when Katalina had strode into her life with that bright radiance and steadfast iron will, and that had been it for Vira.

When they ended up in bed together, Vira had thought her life was perfection. She had finally found someone with whom she could share her entire existence with and not have to worry about ever being let down, disappointed, abandoned, used, or manipulated by anyone ever again. And there, her head nestled against Katalina’s bare shoulder, she had finally said the words that were in her heart, without reservation.

_Only you, Katalina!_

And then Katalina was gone. And when she came back, Vira had tried to do anything, _everything_ , to keep her there.

Vira looked around the room, seeing all of that opulence that she had paid for, several times over, in order to ensure that she and Katalina would have no interruptions. It was beautiful, and for Katalina, someone who had been so quick to find a reason to leave at the slightest indication that anything would tie her down…

...it would have been a very pretty cage.

_Damn it. What had I been thinking?_

She hadn’t been, and she knew it. The very thought that someone, anyone, was seeing Katalina the way she had once seen her had caused her thoughts to stop. Any progress she had made in the past few weeks had immediately come undone. She had fallen down again, and now she didn’t even have Katalina to help her get back up again.

The handle of the door turned.  
  
Vira’s head shot up in an instant. She was a mess, and she knew she was a mess, and she didn’t even have the energy to wipe the tears from her eyes and try to get her hair into anything that didn’t resemble a destroyed bird’s nest, and she was still wearing that stupid, stupid nightdress, and…

Katalina stepped into the room.

_~~Third Act: Weathering the Storm~~_

_~~K~~_

When she entered the room this time, Katalina took the time to remove her shoes. They were simple, flat-soled things that more or less matched the functional trousers and tunic she was wearing. She missed her armor. She immediately realized that both the act of taking off her shoes and the act of missing being literally encased in steel both had significance in the moment.

Vira was watching her. Her eyes were wide in her disbelief that Katalina had actually come back. Katalina was also still in a slight state of disbelief at that very same fact, but she pushed through the feeling as she set her shoes off to the side and then approached the bed that Vira was still laying on. Vira was...a mess. Her hair was the worst that Katalina had ever seen it, frayed out every which way and in desperate need of either being brushed or severed from the girl’s scalp to put it out of its misery. Vira’s eyes were bloodshot and there were dark circles beneath them, which would have been a sign that she had been crying even if her cheeks weren’t still soaked with tears. To top it all off, she appeared to have brutally eviscerated a pillow sometime within the past twenty minutes, if the scattered mess of feathers were any indication.

None of this was surprising to Katalina.

There were a hundred million things that Katalina could have, and should have, said in that moment. She didn’t say a word, though. As Vira watched her with the wary eyes of a tormented and spooked cat, Katalina took the few steps left between her and the bed and sat down on the edge of it. She wasn’t too _close_ to Vira, knowing that she should give her the option of space, but she wasn’t too far _away_ , either. She immediately noticed that the bed was actually the softest thing she had sat on, probably ever.

Katalina was silent. Vira mirrored that silence. It went on for over a minute, with Vira just watching Katalina in a way that made Katalina vaguely consider that Vira might be worried there was some kind of retaliation in store for the potpourri vase. And then, slowly and shakily, Vira propped herself up the rest of the way, slid herself over to Katalina, and just rested her head against Katalina’s shoulder.  
  
Katalina immediately realized that Vira wasn’t clinging to her. She was still using her for support, in a way, but it wasn’t the same as it would have been any other time since the day they had reunited after so much time spent in absence of each other. It was as if whatever spirit of madness had consumed Vira’s mind had been broken, or at least momentarily quelled. That probably wasn’t a permanent thing, but Katalina hoped that the things she had said and done hadn’t irrevocably destroyed whatever bond was left between the two women.

This silence went on for another few minutes, and Katalina realized that it was probably up to her to begin the process of just… speaking about the things that they both needed to speak about. So, if this silence, like the cycle the two of them had been stuck in for far too long, was to be broken, Katalina was going to have to be the one to break it. “Hey… Vira?” she said, testing the waters.

Vira didn’t lift her head at all, but did reply with a hoarse little “Mmm?” Katalina knew that Vira’s voice was going to be pretty rough from the crying and screaming and shouting, but that’s how things were going to have to be.  
  
She turned her head slightly to look down at Vira. “You… look like hell.” she said.

Vira snorted. “I wonder why that is.” she said, and Katalina’s suspicions about the state of Vira’s voice were confirmed. “And anyway. Is that supposed to make me feel _better_ right now?”

Katalina sighed. She deserved that, and much more, and she knew it. “No, V. No, it’s not.” she said. “It’s supposed to be _honest_.” Honesty was something they had not had with each other in a very long time, and that, too, was a cycle that needed to be broken.

Vira did move her head then, and shakily look up into Katalina’s face. “...V. You haven’t called me that since…”

Katalina nodded. She knew where this was going, and she wanted Vira to _know_ that she knew. She wanted Vira to be very aware that she knew where things had started to go very, very wrong between them. “...Since the first night we slept together.” Katalina said.

Vira nodded, her head moving back down to rest on Katalina’s shoulder. “I didn’t know why.” she said. “I didn’t know what changed. I thought that what we did together meant that… we were going to be perfect for each other.” she said, and a couple of new tears rolled down her cheeks.

Katalina took another breath. “There are some things I need to say to you.” she said. “And… you don’t have to listen to them. That’s not your obligation. I can just say these things and you don’t even have to care. The part that matters is that I say them. I’d _like_ you to listen, but you don’t _have_ to.”

“...I’m listening, Katalina.” she said. It wasn’t an invitation for Katalina to think anything was okay, it was just a statement of the way things were going to be at that moment.

Katalina could accept that. She had to at least acknowledge her own role in what had been going on, after all. “I wasn’t fair to you, Vira.” she said. “What you said about me running away… it’s true. I got restless. So… I took the opportunity to leave. I didn’t know why at the time. Now, I know it was because maybe I wasn’t ready to hear what you were telling me.”

“I was in your _bed_ , Katalina. If not then, then _when_?” she said. It wasn’t an accusation, really, though it easily could have been. Even through Vira’s hoarse voice, Katalina heard a note of something like curiosity.

Katalina shrugged the shoulder that Vira wasn’t leaning on. “I don’t know, V. Now, maybe? I don’t know.” It was an honest answer, which meant that it was the right one, even if it wasn’t the one that Vira would have wanted to hear. “What matters right now is that I hurt you. A lot. And I didn’t stop hurting you. I… I didn’t realize I was doing it, either. I didn’t think you _could_ be hurt, V.”

This _did_ bring a more accusatory reply from the blonde girl. “Surprise.” she said. “The crazy girl has feelings.”

Katalina frowned. “If you think I’m going to take back anything I said-”

Vira immediately shook her head, and it was the most steady motion she’d made in the past ten minutes. “No. No, you shouldn’t have to take it back. Because you were right, too.” she said.

Katalina considered that for a moment. “Maybe. But ‘right’ isn’t the same thing as ‘fair’.”

Vira nodded. “...I have some things to say to you, too, Katalina.” she said. “But... can you give me a minute or two to collect my thoughts? They’re… hard to grasp, right now, and I want a solid hold on them before I say the things I should say. I don’t want to regret-”  
  
“Take your time,” Katalina said. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

Vira nodded again and fell into silence once more, and as her head continued to rest on Katalina’s shoulder, Katalina circled an arm around Vira’s waist. Not forcefully, just acknowledging that she wasn’t going to go anywhere until they’d finished this conversation.

_~~V~~_

It hurt.

Vira knew it would hurt, but preparing for a painful blow didn’t magically make it stop hurting. Not all the way. What it did do was make it easier to stay balanced. Vira knew that above all else, she had to stay balanced for this conversation. If she didn’t, it wouldn’t mean anything.

She wanted it to mean something.

She wanted what she and Katalina had, whatever that thing was, to be real. That meant figuring out what still remained of it after it had been so spectacularly shattered.

But… if a few words said in the space of a few minutes could shatter something, that meant it wasn’t very strong to begin with… didn’t it? Back at the academy, Vira thought she was strong, but it turned out that she wasn’t. She had thought Katalina was steady, and it turned out that _she_ wasn’t. All that remained was to see what pieces were left. Maybe, just maybe, a new thing could be made out of them.

Her throat felt raspy as she spoke, but that was because she’d screamed into a pillow a whole lot. Which was probably a mistake, but just like all her mistakes, she could accept the fact that she would pay for it. “I was wrong, Katalina.” she said. “To do those things for you. To you. To other people because I wanted to…”

To what? Impress her? No, that wasn’t quite it. No, it was more like…

“...Possess you. I…” she took a deep breath and admitted the thing that had been weighing on her heart and her soul ever since she had spoken feelings to Katalina that she had known deep down that Katalina had not reciprocated. “I’m sorry, Katalina, that I ever treated you like a _thing_ that I should own, and not a _person_ .”

Katalina was silent for a moment, and Vira’s heart started to beat faster again as the fear that she had once again said the wrong thing at the wrong time threatened to consume her again. Finally, Katalina spoke. “I can’t forgive you for a lot of the things you did.”  
  
Vira’s head sank just a little bit, and her heart sank even further. “I know, Katalina.”  
  
Katalina shook her head. “No, V. What I mean is, I can’t forgive you for the things you did to other people. It’s not my place to. I’m not the one who condemns or absolves you. Do you understand that?”  
  
Did she? Katalina had been her sole reason for doing _anything_ for so long that she wished, desperately, that Katalina _could_ wave her hand and make all her sins forgiven. But no. No, that wasn’t right.

Vira had gotten so bored and annoyed that everyone at the academy had placed her on a pedestal. And yet, at the very first chance she got, she had turned around and done the exact same thing to Katalina. How did that make her _any_ better than the people she had harbored such disdain for?

She realized she had never actually answered Katalina’s question out loud. That was another thing she needed to work on. Realizing that head-Vira didn’t actually say things out loud so that other people could hear them. Sometimes that was a blessing. Right now, it was very much not. “I know, Katalina. I understand it. I do. I… I want to make things _right_ , and I just… I have no idea where to start.”

Katalina nodded. “You don’t have to have all the answers all the time, V.” she said. “You just have to know to ask the right questions. Or any questions at all.” she said.

Vira chuckled, and even _that_ rasped in her throat and made her sound like a chain-smoking draph. “You hurt me, Katalina. And in return, I hurt you. Can we move past that?”  
  
Katalina bit her lip and Vira realized she had never seen Katalina do that in front of anyone else but her. The thought made her heart jump, and then Katalina was speaking again. “I don’t know, V. I don’t. The things you did weren’t right, and I won’t pretend they didn’t happen. But I do know that you care for me deeply, and that you really have been trying to get better. And that in itself says a lot about you.”

Vira’s cheeks reddened at that, which, she realized, probably made her seem like even more of a splotchy, tear-stained, disheveled mess. “I don’t know that I forgive you for leaving, yet, either.” she said, and punctuated that sentence unintentionally with what she could only assume was the most miserable sniffle in the history of nasal passages. “...But...you’re here right now, Katalina. This time, you came back. You didn’t run away.”  
  
Katalina nodded. “You’re right, Vira. Because… I wronged you. And I cared about you then. And I care about you _now_ , V.”

Vira pretended to scoff at that. “You’re just saying that because all evidence suggests that I murdered a pillow.”

Katalina actually chuckled at that. “I mean, it’s impressive, but it sort of pales in comparison to the time we broke an actual bedframe in the academy dormitories…”

Oh, now _that_ made Vira’s cheeks turn the color of ripened tomatoes. “You’re bringing that up _now_ , Katalina?” The irony that _she_ was the one suggesting the conversation was getting inappropriate to the situation was not lost on her in the slightest.

Katalina turned her head slightly and gave Vira the kind of warm, gentle smile that Vira hadn’t seen from her in _years_. And while in her head, Vira knew that there was still too much that had happened between them for things to ever be the same as they had been in the academy… now, at least, everything was out in the open between them. And that was something, really. As Vira looked up into Katalina’s warm eyes with her own sore and bloodshot ones, Katalina said, “V? Will you kiss me?”

And for all that Vira would have leapt at the chance to hear Katalina say that to her one more time at any previous point in the past few years…

...this time, Vira was the one who blinked.  
  
“K-Katalina… look at me right now. I look hideous. My hair.. my face, my... _everything_ . I’m...I’m not…”  
  
Katalina cut in. “What you’re trying to say, Vira, is that you’re not perfect and so you’re nothing, right? And what I am going to say to that is that it’s a lie. It’s not all or nothing, Vira. You don’t have to be perfection incarnate for me to want to kiss you again. And, conversely, you can turn me down, because _I’m_ not perfect _either_ , and you aren’t obligated to… uh, not to put too fine a point on it, reserve an entire inn for me just to make me happy.”

This brought a laugh from Vira. “It was a good idea at the time.” she said. “...Katalina, I can’t promise that I will get better right away. I can only promise I’ll try. So…”  
  
Vira was interrupted from what she considered a very relevant and well-thought-out monologue by Katalina’s lips pressed to hers. This lasted for a couple of moments, and then Katalina moved just enough to whisper into her ear. “I don’t care that we aren’t seeing each other at our best right now. What I care about is that what we’re seeing right now in each other is _real_ . So please. Keep showing me the _real_ Vira, and, even more importantly than that, keep seeing the _real_ Katalina.”  
  
Vira nodded, still just speechless.

Then, she felt her lips pull up into a smile. An honest smile, not...not the thing she had worn on her face that had caused people to avoid her. The kind of smile that she hadn’t had on her face since…  
  
“Katalina?” she asked, not even caring about her raspy voice at this point.  
  
“Yes, V?” her reply was a whisper, still, and it was the most beautiful whisper that Vira had ever heard in her life.  
  
Vira leaned into Katalina a little, wrapping her in a slow, shaky embrace and resting her chin on Katalina’s shoulder. Her own whisper was not as beautiful, but right now, she realized, Katalina didn’t care. “Do you want to find out if this bedframe is sturdier than the one in your dormitory?”

It was interesting that the same sentence spoken in a different context and with different emphasis on the syllables could carry so much meaning. The next words that Katalina spoke were the same as the ones before, and yet when Vira heard them, they were as if the gates of paradise opened and finally allowed her in.  
  
“Yes, V.”

_~~Epilogue: Aftermath~~_

_~~K~~_

Katalina had several opportunities over the course of the evening to reflect on the fact that it was a good thing that they had the inn completely to themselves. At the very least, there were things that she was quite certain she didn’t want others on the _crew_ to hear. Free from those considerations and concerns, however, Katalina found that she was quite willing to vocalize her appreciation for the things that Vira took it upon herself to do with her.

She was also quite pleased to realize that Vira had not lost any of the talents that Katalina remembered her possessing during their nights together at the academy. Some things, developed with rigorous practice, often resided in muscle memory, and could be brought back to the surface with a bare minimum of coaxing. Katalina hoped that her own experience had held up somewhat, too, though she heard no complaints from Vira.

She was also quite happy to report that the bedframe was very sturdy.

Afterward, Vira nestled her head against Katalina’s shoulder, laying on her side while Katalina lay on her back. One of Vira’s arms was draped over Katalina’s bare stomach, and one of Vira’s legs curled around Katalina’s thigh. It was a comfortable position and one they fell into easily enough. The rest was good, and the silence of the moment was not the uncomfortable thing from earlier. And yet, it still wasn’t the same as it had been before.

But not being the same didn’t necessarily make it worse. Just different.  
  
“Hey...V?” Katalina said. There was one more thing she wanted to tell Vira, one last confession. And maybe it made her just as bad as Vira that she chose this moment to bring it up, when the words that had made Katalina so restless in the first place all those years ago had been spoken in the exact same situation. The two of them had even been in the exact same _position_ , Katalina realized. She felt as if she understood Vira even better, in that moment.

“Yeah...Katalina?” she replied. Vira’s voice hadn’t gotten any better, though Katalina sort of had to blame herself for that one. She had coaxed some interesting sounds from the other woman’s throat, after all.

“...Still can’t call me ‘K’, hmm?” she said, nudging Vira gently.  
  
“I’m still working on a lot of things. That can be one of them.” she said, lazily.

Katalina chuckled at that. Then, she got to the thing she really wanted to talk about. “Vira… do you want to know why it is that I left the way I did, all that time ago?”  
  
Vira was silent, and Katalina had the momentary worry that she wouldn’t reply at all. She did, though. “No.” That was a fair answer, all things considered. But once again, Vira surprised her. “...But I think I _need_ to know.” That gave Katalina just a little more confidence that Vira was going to improve. At least a little.

And here it was. The real core of everything that had happened between the two of them since Vira had first confessed her love. If Katalina were really honest with both herself and with Vira, it had been the core of everything that had happened for much longer than that. Katalina held Vira’s bare body close against her own as she spoke. “Vira...it’s because I make you weaker. I’m your weakness, Vira. When I’m around you, you’re not the strong, confident, and capable person that I saw those first few weeks in the academy.” She felt Vira’s muscles tense up, but Vira didn’t pull away. It was as if she just, like Katalina, needed to process certain truths. “I didn’t want to see you like that anymore, Vira. I _couldn’t_ see you like that anymore. And so I thought if I left, you would be the Vira I fell in love with again.”

Vira’s tension remained, though it lessened a little, and the blonde woman tried to transfer some of it into a kind of snuggle. It almost worked, though Katalina could still tell that the tension was there. “You...loved me? Back then? You… never said it back.” she said.  
  
Katalina replied, “It’s because at that point, I didn’t know if it was true. The Vira I fell for could do anything. Could _be_ anything. And nobody would ever stop her. That Vira… slowly disappeared in front of my eyes. Every single day, I watched you become less of yourself, and more of...someone else. And I couldn’t stand the thought that I wasn’t a person who could make you _better_.”

Vira was quiet again, and Katalina couldn’t shake the feeling that she was just pushing something onto Vira the same way Vira had to her on their first night together. When she spoke, it was in a soft, shaky whisper. “Katalina? What if that Vira never existed? What if that Vira never _will_ exist?”  
  
Katalina held her close. “If I loved a lie, she was a pretty lie.” she said, and leaned down to kiss Vira’s forehead. “But if I’m right, then that Vira is someone that I know now that I _can’t_ find for you. It’s a step you need to keep taking on your own.” Another soft kiss. “But I want to be here with you while you do. And maybe...maybe it’s too soon to know if anything between us will work out. I think we can’t know. Not yet.”  
  
Vira nodded at that. “After tonight, then, we…”

Katalina replied, “We wait and see, V. What we’re doing, right here, right now, isn’t a commitment. It’s a promise to _try_ .”  
  
Some of Vira’s tension eased a little. “I can accept that. Because I will still have bad days. I know I will. If I continue to have more good days than bad ones, then… we can see, right?”

Katalina nodded. “Yeah. We can see. We can evaluate. The important part is, it’s something we talk about and decide on together. With everything out in the open between us.” Katalina smiled. “I want to love you, V. And that’s my promise. That I, too, am deciding to try.”  
  
Vira kissed Katalina’s shoulder, and then whispered, “Thank you… K.”

_~~Fin~~_


End file.
